lost at sea.
Holy hell its been awhile. so i was just re-reading all my old posts and i had a thought, where did this person i used to be go. i was so hopeful and i had so many dreams and plans and now im just this hopeless dreamless slob. i kind of hate myself right now. my life has truly fallen apart. and i don't know where to go from here. help im lost at sea and im drowning .

first day of spring!
im really excited that its the first day of spring!!!

when i think of spring all these really whimsical things come to mind like something from alice in wonderlad or winnie the pooh.
but everything here is still kindof brown from the snap freezes we had.
i cant wait for the flowers to start blooming and the trees to become that bright almost lime green!

i have my tattoo consult at 330 today i hope i will be able to get it today but grant side it would prob be close to 200 bucks i just dont have that much right now i was hoping it would be like 80 or 90 that i could handel.

welcome spring. :]

im so happy!

its tattoo time bitches!!!!!!! oh my god im so happy i cant wait im not 100% sure when im getting it this weekend but it is happaning thiss weekend!!!! its been two years since my last one!!!!                                         this is what im getting.......
transparent eyball Emerson

making moves.

Isn’t it odd how one phone call can change your life plans. I think one of the best things about life is the uncertainty of each day.

This new plan or thought of a plan is exciting. I could so see myself being in that life and loving every moment of it.

I think the reason I’m so excited about a new plan/life is that this one ant workin out so well.
I’ve come to the realization that I hate my job. And life is much too short to be stuck in this unhappy spot.

I’m thinking about giving my two weeks’ notice and just being done with it.

I need a car. So I can move somewhere far from here. So I can’t start over.

I hope all of this isn't just wishful thinking.

caught up.

I think I have been looking at life through the wrong eyes.

meaning I’ve been doing everything I think I should do or what I’m told I should do, and not focusing on what I want to do. like going to school and not living in Florida.

I really dislike Florida and most of the people that reside here. They are so stupid and I do not mean just they act dumb sometimes like I mean uneducated and ignorant! I can’t stand that!

I named this journal running down a dream. I did so for a few reasons.
1. It’s a good Tom Petty song
2. Remind myself to do the things that are important to me.
3. And to always remember to keep on my own path and live in the moment.

so I watched Into the Wild like a few months ago and the same thoughts have been going through my head live free live in the now live in the moment live wild, and the more I think on it the more I want to just pack up and go adventuring and exploring! 

When did that become so bad and so hard to do? We have put up all these concrete walls around ourselves and we think they make us safe and happy.

We all have become so disconnected form everything. Take our food for example, almost every person I know has never even seen a dead chicken let alone dismembered one for cooking. It may sound weird to say those thing because like who wants to dismember anything but I mean come on get in there and get ur hands dirty it’s not that bad and when the meal is done and cook I step back and say wow look at what I’ve done I made a lovely dinner for my family! Its great satisfaction to know that you did things yourself not just went and got frozen chicken and put it in the microwave or worse just got some fast food. When did it become ok to feed your kids this high fat processed shit? Can u imagine what it’s doing to their insides! Or what it’s doing to yours! And I’m just as guilty as other people but I think it’s not too late for us all to change our ways. and I’m not saying by only organic or be a vegan; be you, but instead of getting frozen chicken get fresh and cut it up urself get fresh meat and grind it at home plant a veggie garden in your back yard, I just think it would be so much better for everyone if we all try to get a bit closer to the earth and the old ways of doing things, they work for so long they can work again.

Man I really go off on tangents some times.
However, it feels good to put this out there to people other than my mom hahaha.
Poor her she always has to hear me rant and rave.

(no subject)

so I’m sitting at work not really knowing what to do with myself, it’s a really fucking slow day, but ya know its always really slow, all I really do every day is wake up at the ass crack of dawn somehow pull myself out of band and get ready come open up the shop and then nothing. Really nothing I sit at the front desk and watch movies and TV show on hulu or DVD. I mean when I first started working here I was doing stuff all the time an busting my ass for nothing and I mean nothing I don’t really get paid at all I get some money sometimes, it’s a really shity place to be in right now, my boss has these delusions of grandeur and thinks that any day now we’re just going to become a really great big thriving business and that she will be able to pay me and all this shit. at first I was willing to go along with it because I thought she was really working at things but the longer I’ve been here the less and less I see her because she is feeling bad or has to do work from home because her kids are being crazy or need rides to work or they sneezed or she just didn’t feel like getting out of bed that morning!!!! but the other week I was truly ill and needed to stay home and rest so I called her and told her I wouldn’t be coming to work on Monday she said ok and left it at that but then Monday morning at about 8 she starts texting me like mad gilting me out and bitching at me because I forgot to write a note about something! I just don’t understand how someone thinks they can run a business like this!

well needles to say im looking for a new job and a car and somehow trying to save up for my trip to NJ and a trip to atlanta to see hilary who is the only person in the world i ever want to see haha i miss her like crazy!!

well i guess life limps on for now.



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